| 20 Weight Loss Excuses for Big Leaguers Originally posted 2004 As a public service, 1 Ancient Won Entertainment decided to publish 20 believable excuses, which a big buffed up ball player that reports to camp minus several pound of muscle can use when talking to the press. I'm sure the real reasons are legit. |
1- I needed to take some stress off my knees.
2- I signed a Trimspa deal in the off season.
3- It was just water weight.
4- Steroids? No… I got AIDS.
5- Steroids? No… I just started smoking crack.
6- It was hot as hell when I took a trip to Mexico. I had a
whole pitcher of Lemonade. Next thing I know…
7- I never knew Richard Simmons was so talented. I wonder
if I can get shorts like that with the team logo.
8- My wife / girlfriend just couldn’t stand those unsightly
muscles anymore.
9- She also doesn’t mind, that my drop in production will
cut into her shopping trips.
10- I lost some bat speed at the end of last year.
11- I thought my wife bought some bad Valentine’s Day
candy, I couldn’t tell her I didn’t like it. It was a month
before I realized it was EX-LAX.
12- One of my pick up lines went astray at the club. I
still don’t know which one of those bitches hit me.
13- I went on a hunger strike to protest the plight of the
Australian Platypus.
14- I got tired of all the women chasing me. My marriage
is the most important thing in my life.
15- My high school reunion was a couple of weeks ago and I
wanted to wear my old letter jacket.
16- Hitting home runs got so blasé; I want to steal bases
and bunt more.
17- You know… I’ve always put the fans first. So… I’m not
going to hit too many screaming home runs into the seats;
I’m going for more inside the parkers.
18- Do you know how much baseballs are going for these days?
19- I had a real bad experience at the All-Star game last
year.
20- I just hired this new Swedish chief – she’s not the
greatest cook, but I just can’t bring myself to fire her.
Two new entries from readers.
A- I cut out the junk food.
B- The balls are softer, that's why I didn't
hit as many home runs.
C- I never knowingly took steroids.
www.1ancientwon.com Java Bomani
2- I signed a Trimspa deal in the off season.
3- It was just water weight.
4- Steroids? No… I got AIDS.
5- Steroids? No… I just started smoking crack.
6- It was hot as hell when I took a trip to Mexico. I had a
whole pitcher of Lemonade. Next thing I know…
7- I never knew Richard Simmons was so talented. I wonder
if I can get shorts like that with the team logo.
8- My wife / girlfriend just couldn’t stand those unsightly
muscles anymore.
9- She also doesn’t mind, that my drop in production will
cut into her shopping trips.
10- I lost some bat speed at the end of last year.
11- I thought my wife bought some bad Valentine’s Day
candy, I couldn’t tell her I didn’t like it. It was a month
before I realized it was EX-LAX.
12- One of my pick up lines went astray at the club. I
still don’t know which one of those bitches hit me.
13- I went on a hunger strike to protest the plight of the
Australian Platypus.
14- I got tired of all the women chasing me. My marriage
is the most important thing in my life.
15- My high school reunion was a couple of weeks ago and I
wanted to wear my old letter jacket.
16- Hitting home runs got so blasé; I want to steal bases
and bunt more.
17- You know… I’ve always put the fans first. So… I’m not
going to hit too many screaming home runs into the seats;
I’m going for more inside the parkers.
18- Do you know how much baseballs are going for these days?
19- I had a real bad experience at the All-Star game last
year.
20- I just hired this new Swedish chief – she’s not the
greatest cook, but I just can’t bring myself to fire her.
Two new entries from readers.
A- I cut out the junk food.
B- The balls are softer, that's why I didn't
hit as many home runs.
C- I never knowingly took steroids.
www.1ancientwon.com Java Bomani
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