| 20 Weight Loss Excuses for Big Leaguers Originally posted 2004 As a public service, 1 Ancient Won Production & Publishing decided to publish 20 believable excuses, which a big buffed up ball player that reports to camp minus several pound of muscle can use when talking to the press. I'm sure the real reasons are legit. |
| 1- I needed to take some stress off my knees. 2- I signed a Trimspa deal in the off season. 3- It was just water weight. 4- Steroids? No… I got AIDS. 5- Steroids? No… I just started smoking crack. 6- It was hot as hell when I took a trip to Mexico. I had a whole pitcher of Lemonade. Next thing I know… 7- I never knew Richard Simmons was so talented. I wonder if I can get shorts like that with the team logo. 8- My wife / girlfriend just couldn’t stand those unsightly muscles anymore. 9- She also doesn’t mind, that my drop in production will cut into her shopping trips. 10- I lost some bat speed at the end of last year. 11- I thought my wife bought some bad Valentine’s Day candy, I couldn’t tell her I didn’t like it. It was a month before I realized it was EX-LAX. 12- One of my pick up lines went astray at the club. I still don’t know which one of those bitches hit me. 13- I went on a hunger strike to protest the plight of the Australian_Platypus. 14- I got tired of all the women chasing me. My marriage is the most important thing in my life. 15- My high school reunion was a couple of weeks ago and I wanted to wear my old letter jacket. 16- Hitting home runs got so blasé; I want to steal bases and bunt more. 17- You know… I’ve always put the fans first. So… I’m not going to hit too many screaming home runs into the seats; I’m going for more inside the parkers. 18- Do you know how much baseballs are going for these days? 19- I had a real bad experience at the All-Star game last year. 20- I just hired this new Swedish chief – she’s not the greatest cook, but I just can’t bring myself to fire her. Two new entries from readers. A- I cut out the junk food. B- The balls are softer, that's why I didn't hit as many home runs. C- I never knowingly took steroids. www.1ancientwon.com Java Bomani |
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